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Unbelievable Truth

March 3, 2013

Inequity: Income Distribution in Canada and the United States

Although the video above pertains to the United States, figures for Canada and our neighbour to the south are approximately the same. The issue of wealth inequality across the North America is well known, but the video shows you the extent of that imbalance in dramatic and graphic fashion.

The video, which started going viral on Friday and whose traffic continues to climb on YouTube — reflects the facts as seen from many different sources. VanRamblings presents it without comment, letting you, our readers, be the judge.


Posted by Raymond Tomlin at 9:15 PM | Permalink | Politics

September 4, 2004

Making its inauspicious return

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Making its inauspicious return after an almost month-long summer break, The Unbelievable Truth is back once again to beguile you with tales of the down and dirty, the almost sleazy but not quite, and the kind of gossipy, scandal-mongering information that you could certainly live without, but would you want to? Welcome back constant reader, because here we go:

BRITNEY’S BITS!

BRITNEYS-BITS

We won’t keep you in suspense one moment longer. To kick off the glorious return of The Unbelievable Truth, VanRamblings is proud (well, maybe not proud) to present you with Britney’s bits, a risqué summary of the shenanigans to which every pre-teen girl (and dirty old men in raincoats) once turned their thoughtful attention.

And just what has Britney been up to this summer? According to the New York Post Britney’s going retro with her Greatest Hits album, recording a remake of Bobby Brown’s 80s hit My Prerogative. According to Access Hollywood, in the video for the song, Britney will ‘marry’ a Kevin Federline look-alike. US Weekly reports the two are in talks to become MTV’s new Newlyweds. Says Britney, “I want Kevin to be just as famous as I am.”

JOHN ASHCROFT’S BITS!

JOHN-ASHCROFT

John Ashcroft is the Attorney General of the United States. Born in Chicago, Illinois, where his family had moved in order to be nearer to the headquarters of the Assemblies of God church (where he is still active), John Ashcroft was educated in Springfield, Missouri, and at Yale University, where he graduated in 1964.

From 1985 to 1993, he was the pro-death penalty, anti-abortion, anti gay rights, and opponent to gun control Governor of Missouri. In 1994 he was elected to the U.S. Senate from Missouri, where he became a leading opponent of the Clinton Administration. He ran for re-election in 2000 against then-Governor Mel Carnahan, who died in an airplane crash about two weeks before the election. Due to Missouri state election laws, Carnahan’ s name could not be removed from the ballot, and his wife, Jean Carnahan, announced that she would serve in her husband’ s place should he be elected. Carnahan won the election. Poor John Ashcroft left Missouri with his tail between his legs, only to emerge as a key member of the Bush administration.

In tribute to the fine work undertaken by Mr. Ashcroft to limit the liberty of the people of the U.S., VanRamblings presents you with insight into the inner workings of John Ashcroft’s mind. Just what goes on inside the head of John Ashcroft, what makes him tick? To discover the measure of the man, VanRamblings would direct you to click on the picture above.

GRAY LADY POP CRITIC GHOSTWRITES PORN STAR CHRONICLES

JENNA-JAMESON

Media gossip emanating from the New York Times headquarters on 43rd Street is always bound to set tongues wagging, but the only news this year to set other body parts wagging (fingers, we mean!) was the news that pop music critic Neil Strauss was leaving to ghostwrite adult-film star Jenna Jameson’s memoir, How to Make Love Like a Porn Star (which, according to Publisher’s Weekly is due to become ‘a low-brow classic’). Strauss maintains that it was his decision to leave, but fellow journos had a hard time believing that The Times would tolerate such deviant extracurricular activity from its staffers.

AND OTHER STUFF

NICE-TITS

For all you budding ornithologists out there, VanRamblings is pleased to aid the cause by directing you to Nice-Tits.org, offering a compendium of T-shirts, coffee-mugs, knick-knacks and other collectibles, presented by the Royal Tit-Watching (Ornithological) Society of Britain. And here we thought the British were so staid. Guess not. How wrong VanRamblings seems to be.

COLBY-COSH

VanRamblings would direct your attention to this very important message from Pleasure Boat Captains For Truth. The truth has been revealed.

COMPUTER-MONITOR

Don’t know what to do with the useless, old broken down Pentium II or III computer that’s gathering dust in the basement or the garage? The folks (or should be say psychos) at WeBlowITup.com have an idea.

Posted by Raymond Tomlin at 7:52 PM | Permalink | Unbelievable Truth

August 7, 2004

We've Come A Long Way. Baby. Or, Maybe Not.

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PARIS BATTERED!

WAS-PARIS-BATTERED

When perennial partygoer, and Simple Life star, Paris Hilton arrived at the club Concorde in Los Angeles last Wednesday sporting a series of strange marks on her arms (and here) and face, insiders from Hollywood to the Hamptons began buzzing about the bruises, wondering whether Paris’ on-again, off-again boyfriend, Nick Carter, a former Backstreet Boy and older brother of singer, Aaron Carter, was the culprit.

By the weekend, the blame game had begun, with friends saying that the bruising on Paris’ body was indeed Nick’s work. Meanwhile, Nick’s lawyer, Martin D. Singer, denied his client’s involvement and told a reporter that Paris’ pals were spreading rumours simply because Paris was angry with her ex.

According to the New York Post, which has never been known to be wrong ...

... after she and Carter joined pal Amanda Demme at the Argyle Hotel, where Demme throws a weekly party. “They were dirty dancing together,” said one Argyle spy. “They were very lovey-dovey, staring into each other’s eyes. We all thought they were back together.”

But after Hilton and the ex-Backstreet Boy left the Argyle to party at another club, Joseph’s, the mood turned sour. “Nick wanted to leave, Paris didn’t,” said a Hilton pal, adding, “Nick forced Paris to leave, he made her get in a cab with him.” Hilton alleges to friends Carter later lost his temper. Friends say Hilton is ‘scared to death’. The pal added: “He has major anger-management issues. We have seen bruises on her before and asked her about them. She has always denied it — until now.”

Advice to Paris: If Nick is beating you, file a police report and dump his ass!

Built RAM Tough — With An Ovary Here and An Ovary There

Many of you are familiar with the “Tough Guy” image that truck companies try to create with their television commercials — with all the off-roading and drag-racing up hills with boats in tow (because there’s all that water at the top of hills) ... incidentally, most of what you see voids the warranty that comes with such vehicles. Anyway, a Columbia University student poses the question as to just how ‘macho’ a Dodge Ram can be when their emblem is basically the female reproductive system with nostrils:

BUILT-RAM-TOUGH

The Decline and Fall of Western Civilization

FIGHT-CLUB

We leave you tonight with a sad commentary on contemporary social mores.

The first video game release for the newly merged Vivendi-Universal would appear to be Fight Club, a game version of the utterly pointless and ultra violent Brad Pitt / Edward Norton picture from a few years back. Here’s the trailer (faint of heart take note: there's a great deal of violence, even if it is cartoon game violence).

And just what kind of example does this type of violence provide for our youth? Watch this gruesome video of two high school girls taking one another on in a friend’s back yard for the answer to that question.


Posted by Raymond Tomlin at 11:58 PM | Permalink | Unbelievable Truth

July 31, 2004

The Unbelievable Truth: Tonight Is Video Night

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A Lesson for Crispin Glover: When Not To Take LSD

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A few years back, actor Crispin Glover had, what appeared to be, a nervous breakdown while visiting David Letterman’s late night show on NBC. Subsequent to Glover’s onstage antics, Letterman swore that Marty McFly’s dad would never appear on his show again. Well, here it is a new millennium, and VanRamblings learns (c/o All Things Christie) that Mr. Glover wasn’t suffering from acute psychological distress, rather ... he was making like Art Linkletter’s worst nightmare. Here is Crispin Glover ‘kicking it’ on the Letterman show.

Funnier Than Anchorman: Will Ferrell Makes Like Bush

STRAIGHT-TALK-WILL-FERRELL


After spending over $75 million on fraudulent attacks, Bush White House apparatchik Karl Rove is back to selling the true Texas cowboy. Throughout August, Bush campaign commercials will feature President Bush at his ranch in Crawford, Texas. What will these commercials look like? Comedian Will Ferrell takes us for a behind-the-scenes look at ‘White House West’.

Summer at the Movies. A Video With More Heart Than I Robot

DANNY-BOT

Migawd, this has been one lousy summer at the movies. There are no sleepers. Not one film has broken out, unexpectedly, to emerge as a hit. Second week box office drop-offs remain in the 60% range, and from Van Helsing to The Village and The Manchurian Candidate, this has been a summer of disappointment for most dedicated movie-goers. Fortunately, VanRamblings comes to the rescue tonight, presenting this heartfelt glimpse into our future, a video that is everything that I Robot could never hope to be, whatever the budget.

Posted by Raymond Tomlin at 8:26 PM | Permalink | Unbelievable Truth

July 24, 2004

Justin Cheats, Britney Droops

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Justin Cheats on Cameron, and We All Weep

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You’ve heard about it elsewhere, but VanRamblings has the naughty pictures and the whole salacious story (courtesy of Olde Blighty’s News of the World), all for you.

According to Britain’s favourite scandal rag, former ’NSYNC member and current pop prince Justin Timberlake spent two sizzling nights with model Lucy Clarkson (pictured to your right), while Justin’s girlfriend, Cameron Diaz, was 5,000 miles away in Los Angeles playing domestic goddess.

Still and all, according to the voluptuous Lucy Clarkson, neither she nor he scored ...

“I kept saying to him that I wasn't ready and he kept asking me why. I told him we didn’t have condoms. But it was obvious he was desperate to make love.”

For more on Justin’s boob fetish, take a moment to read the whole romantic, silly, virtually chaste, rock ’n roll story ... here.

Star’s Gone From Superbabe To Wreck of the Month

BRITNEY-SPEARS-DROOPY-BOOBS

Sure, they call her the Princess of Pop, the blonde babe whose sexy videos are as memorable as her catchy singles.

But just four months before her wedding, Britney Spears’ drop-dead gorgeous looks seemed to, well, have dropped dead.

At 22, riddled with spots, the once sleek and chiseled Britney now has a double chin, puffy eyes, droopy boobs and wrinkles.

The whole sordid story is available here. Read it and weep.


Posted by Raymond Tomlin at 8:00 PM | Permalink | Unbelievable Truth

July 10, 2004

In a global exclusive,

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BRITNEY-WAS-MY-SEX-MAD-BRIDE

In a global exclusive, News of the World has broken the outrageous, tantalizing, titillating and salacious story, Britney was my sex-mad bride (brought to you by VanRamblings for posterity) of just how Britney Spears “bedded her childhood sweetheart (Jason Alexander, 22) ‘like an animal’, then wrecked his life with a 55-hour marriage than stunned the world.”

“We made love in her bed, her shower and her bath,” says Jason. “She asked me to marry her but when the lawyers demanded I end our marriage she didn’t stop them — and it caused chaos in my life.”

VanRamblings’ big mooshy, gooshy heart goes out to poor boy, Jason.

Couple Has Sex On Stage During Rock Concert

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Fun-loving couple have sex on rock concert stage

As Kristopher Schau and his band Cumshots were in the middle of their concert, a young couple entered the stage, stripped and had sex on stage during the concert. See photos here and here.

The young couple, Tommy Hol Ellingsen, age 28, and Leona Johansson, age 21, are members of the environmental organization Fuck the Forest. They have sex in public in order to put focus on the rainforest. The last time Ellingsen and Johansson had public sex, they collected US$14,677, but nobody wanted to take the money.

“The goal is to take over the entire commercial porn industry and transfer all the money to protection of the environment,” Ellingsen explained. However, Norway’s Rainforest Foundation is far from thrilled by the way the small organization has chosen to raise money.

“I cannot see that this helps the work for the rainforest,” says Lars Lövold, of Rainforest Foundation Norway. “Generally speaking, we accept donations, but if the money is coming from illegal activity, from someone who abuses the rainforest or wishes to abuse our name, we say ‘No thank you’. This may be the case here.”

The police are investigating if the case is a possible breach of the criminal code’s paragraph 2001 regarding indecent conduct. The sentencing for such crimes is as much as one year in jail or fines.

Tara Reid Takes The Girls For A Test Drive

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Looks like our favourite 20-something actress / model / multi-time dumpee, Tara Reid, went for the full meal deal when she decided on breast augmentation surgery. Not for her the modest, demure look. Instead, Tara is out every night on the Hollywood scene, sporting her new ‘friends’. And she accomplishes exactly what by opting for bigger boobs?

Pictures Galore: Hilary and Britney Go Shopping, While Kirsten ...

T-SHIRT

Here’s teen queen Hilary Duff on the town with her boyfriend, just coming home from a shopping trip. Meanwhile, Britney and her new beau, Kevin Federline, are locking lips on the balcony, providing the paparazzi with this prize-winning shot; by the way, here’s Shar Jackson, Kevin’s most recent squeeze, and mommy-to-be with his kid ... oh, did we forget to mention, that this will be Kevin’s 2nd child with Shar?).

And, let’s not forget about Hollywood’s cutest young couple, Kirsten Dunst and Jake Gyllenhaal, pictured here at the première screening of Spider-man 2.

Then there’s a particularly hideous Paris Hilton in her new Guess ad. Scary, huh?


Posted by Raymond Tomlin at 11:59 PM | Permalink | Unbelievable Truth

July 3, 2004

After a two-week absence

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After a two-week absence (that darn Canadian election — don’t forget, read the whole thing now), your favourite VanRamblings feature is BACK !!! Yes, we’re here to dish the dirt, fill your head full of naughty notions, and just generally engage in some gossip mayhem. So, let’s get started, eh?

Know Your Celebrity House-Husbands: Meet Mr. Mira Sorvino

SORVINO-BACKUS

Paul Sorvino must be one proud papa, knowing his Oscar-winning daughter, Mira, 36, married 22-year-old Kid Rock look-a-like Chris “Goofy” Backus in a private ceremony at the Santa Barbara courthouse on June 11th.

Heck, there was a time when Mira dated Quentin and French sex symbol Olivier Martinez, and yes we remember that Mira was named one of the 50 Most Beautiful by People in 1996. But look who she’s ended up with — a Kansas City born graduate of Shawnee Mission High School, and current waiter / aspiring actor!

Backus’ mom Terry, now living in North Carolina, tells VanRamblings that Mira is not the first Hollywood hottie her son has hooked up with:

“I can tell you this, Britney Spears picked him up. Carmen Electra took him out, too.”

Wow. And to think that after all that he settled for a Harvard grad.

Take A Break From Barbecues And That Low-Carb Beer

Here’s a look at the Top 5 films this weekend, playing at a theatre near you.

BOX-OFFICE

1. Spiderman 2 - $127.8 million (as of Saturday)
Well, well, well. Looks like the much-anticipated Spidey sequel has woven its web around a gargantuan audience, breaking the $114.8 million opening weekend box office record of its predecessor, not least because Spider-Man 2 opened to a spectacular $40.4 million on Wednesday.

2. Fahrenheit 9/11 - $50 million (cume total)
Michael Moore’s film is playing in 1000 more theatres this weekend, and although the per theatre revenue is down, box office remains strong. There’s no rush to see Fahrenheit 9/11 — it’s gonna be around a long time.

3. White Chicks - $41.9 million (11 days)
One of the worst reviewed films of 2004 hangs on against all odds.

4. Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story - $82.2 million (16 days)
Ben Stiller. Vince Vaughn. Funny. What can we say?

5. The Notebook - $26.9 million (9 days)
Major weepy. A high-toned cinematic greeting card ... but it works.

First, War With Michael Eisner ... Now This

HARVEY-WEINSTEIN

Who couldn’t love that big lovable mug, huh? Well, apparently not Mrs. Miramax, Eve Chilton Weinstein, who after 18 years of marriage is taking her leave of the rotund one — the often less than affable Harvey Weinstein (pictured left), co-founder of the Miramax film studio — along with the pre-nup negotiated multi-million dollar divorce settlement, and making like Harvey’s dinner (which is to say, gone). Poor, poor, humble Harvey.

According to the New York Post’s Page 6 ...

Eve, a tall blonde beauty who could have been one of Alfred Hitchcock’s leading ladies, was Harvey’s assistant in the early days of Miramax. Weinstein — a workaholic who puts in 18-hour days — purportedly promised Eve last year he’d cut down and spend more time on the home front.

Apparently, he didn’t “cut down.” Sayonara Harv. Nice knowin’ ya.

Here Comes Britney The Bride ... Pregnant !!!

BRITNEY-SPEARS-NUDE

Although Britney Spears’ upcoming nuptials will be a far cry from the quickie Vegas wedding she had last time around, News of the World reports that the pop queen is several months preggers.

Britney’s intended, Kevin Federline, appeared in the movie You Got Served, and was as a backup dancer for singer Justin Timberlake, Spears’ former boytoy.

Recently (and we mean, up until days ago) Federline was involved with actress Shar Jackson, of TV’s Moesha. They have a 2-year-old daughter together and are expecting another baby this month!

Spears recently cancelled her summer tour because of a “knee injury” she reportedly suffered during a video shoot. Shyeeah, right ...

Reborn On The Third of July

In further Tinseltown pregger news this week ... E-Online is reporting that Demi Moore is pregnant ... Liv Tyler is also reportedly expecting her first child. Ms. Tyler and her husband Royston Langdon, from the band Spacehog, haven’t released a statement yet, but People magazine suggests the baby is due this winter ... Claudia Schiffer is pregnant with her second child. The gorgeous German supermodel and her film producer husband Matthew Vaughn already have a 17-month-old son, Caspar, and have reportedly told friends their second child is due to arrive at the end of the year. Rich and beautiful celebs, they‘re sort of a fecund lot, aren’t they?

That’s it for this week, folks. See ya next Saturday night.


Posted by Raymond Tomlin at 10:30 PM | Permalink | Unbelievable Truth

June 19, 2004

The Unbelievable Truth: Cancelled For The Week

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Due to server problems which has kept VanRamblings unavailable for most of the day, The Unbelievable Truth has been cancelled for the week. Regular posting will resume Sunday afternoon.


Posted by Raymond Tomlin at 11:11 PM | Permalink | Unbelievable Truth

June 12, 2004

Time once again for

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Time once again for VanRamblings’ regular Saturday dish the dirt feature.

This week, we’ll present an abbreviated version of The Unbelievable Truth, cuz there’s a federal election going on in Canada, and we’re all verklempt with the dreadful possibility that Stephen ‘Bush Lite’ Harper may become Canada’s next Prime Minister, and pretty much set about to take what minimal joy we Canadians are allowed to experience right out of our lives.

Twins On The Verge Of A Perv-ous Breakdown

OLSEN-TWINS
There twinnesses, tweenage heroines Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are about to turn 18

Ah, childhood, it is but a fleeting thing. As not particularly endearing baby twins sharing the same role on ABC’s family comedy Full House, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen were once not much more than the latest in a long list of young child actors to inject the requisite cute factor into a sitcom. Now?

You’ve got to hand it to those Olsen girls. Just hours away from their 18th birthday, these barely legal mini-moguls (a recent Rolling Stone story estimated their net worth at more than $300 million) have Hollywood’s jailbait aficionados all atwitter at the countdown to the big 1-8.

Defamer asks, “How will their 18th birthday affect their acting career?” VanRamblings responds: Mary-Kate and Ashley have an acting career?

Paris X-Posed: Ex-Lover Reveals All

PARIS-HILTON-NUDE
Paris Hilton is one naughty heiress

All-around playboy sleazeball Rick Salomon, the mercenary whose sex-romp video shamed hotel heiress Paris Hilton, tells the News of the World this week that Paris ...

  • leapt into bed with him the first night they met.

  • joined him and top Playboy beauty Nicole Lenz in a raunchy threesome.

  • hooked up for casual sex with him whenever she felt randy and

  • loved showing off her body for his camera so much she that even filmed herself.

"Girls like Paris definitely want to make sex tapes. It’s the baddest thing," Salomon blurted out while being hauled off by London bobbies on charges of gross indecency, attempt to extort funds from a really rich person, undue exploitation of an heiress almost too clueless to live, and for just generally being one rotten, money-grubbing, narcissistic human being.

Late word in: Salomon may be an alien; more news at 11.


Posted by Raymond Tomlin at 8:42 PM | Permalink | Unbelievable Truth

June 5, 2004

An abbreviated version of

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An abbreviated version of The Unbelievable Truth tonight.

Chances are that, due to the federal election in Canada, The Unbelievable Truth will likely appear somewhat truncated through the end of the month. Post June, though, VanRamblings will return to our regular Saturday regimen of dissing and dishing.

couples-senseless

From New Yorkish, a bit of diss, a bit of dat.

Like the tragic tale of long-distance spokesman and washed-up 80s TV star John Stamos and his former wife, the über-model/actress Rebecca Romijn, there are lots of couples that just don’t belong together. Today’s edition: German supermodel Heidi Klum and her scar-happy boyfriend Seal, and talented comedian/actress Sarah Silverman and her hopelessly untalented boyfriend, Jimmy Kimmel. Like Stamos and Romijn, we can only hope that all parties involved come to their senses and break things off sometime soon.

And our New Yorkish friend has even more to say about the stars ...

hairplugs

When not playing the bongos, unfavourite Texan actor Matthew David McConaughey spends his free time at the Hair Transplant Docs, or so it would seem. Turns out that folically-challenged supermodels are also up for a little Rogaine for Women.

Well, that’s it for this week. A big, better Unbelievable Truth next week.


Posted by Raymond Tomlin at 11:56 PM | Permalink | Unbelievable Truth

May 29, 2004

Renée Zellweger: Renée say

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RENEE-ZELLWEGER
Renée Zellweger: Renée say it ain't so, or are you just trying to be 'one of us'

This oh-so-lovely photo from People Magazine suggests that Renée was right on the money when she screamed at a group of paparazzi who were trying to take her photo last week, “I am a normal person!” Yes, sweet Renée, you most certainly are.

CLAY-AIKEN

Gee, Clay, the same setup did nothing for Tom Cruise, either. Trying to quash those rumours that he’s as gay as a 4th of July parade, failed American Idol Clay Aiken sexually harasses a poor, unsuspecting PR rep. As the Defamer says, “It’s going to take nothing less than full-motion video with penetration to kill those rumours, Clay.” But a nice try nonetheless.

Don’t forget to have a look at Friday night’s special edition of The Unbelievable Truth, an update on the Jessica Cutler story.

ALEXANDRA-KERRY
Alexandra Kerry

Here’s this week’s potpourri of flotsam and jetsam:

In Hollywood news: The Day After Tomorrow is on track to becoming the second film this month to top $100 million dollars in its opening weekend, with a Friday night opening gross of $24,300,000. Full details of the weekend box office will be published on VanRamblings on Sunday.

John Kerry, Democratic Presidential hopeful, would seem to have more than just Bushie to worry about on the road to the White House. Alexandra Kerry, his oldest daughter (that’s her to the right) could probably use some fashion advice — Paris, where are you when we need you? — given that she appears to be dressed in not quite the appropriate fashion one might expect of the daughter of the person who would be the next President of the United States.

Still, she does look kind of fetching, don’t you think?

Hello, world, I’m this totally famous actor, but don’t go and try and figure out who I am! Did I mention I’m nailing this actress whose name I can’t print?: So says the mysterious Rance, the anonymous A-list actor / author of the ‘cult blog du jour’, as he sets about to skewer Hollywood and the cult of celebrity. Is the anonymous blogger Ben Affleck, George Clooney, Jim Carrey, Benicio Del Toro, Matthew Perry, or Luke Wilson? Whatever the case, once Rance is finally outed (it’s only a matter of time), look for this Hollywood puzzle to become the next big story on the ’Net.

Good to know the people of Chicago are safe: Mayor Mark Delaney and Police Chief Chester Morris, responsible for upholding the law in the tiny Chicago burb of Maple Park, in Kane County, were arrested Friday night in an illegal-gambling raid that played out at a popular local tavern’s steak fry.

TABLOID-SCAN



Hooters calendar girls go to Afghanistan to cheer up the troops: That’ll make the wives back home feel a lot better, knowing that their husbands’ emotional lives are being taken care of while so very far, far away.

A New York City executive racks up $28,000 worth of champagne and lap dancing in a single evening.

ELIZABETH-JAGGER
Elizabeth Jagger

Rock ’n roll heaven among the progeny of rock’s royalty: Late Beatle John Lennon’s musician son Sean and model Elizabeth Jagger, daughter of Rolling Stone Mick Jagger, are dating. Confirmation of this comes from none other than Elizabeth’s mother, Jerry Hall. Sean is 28 and Elizabeth is 20. “They are so in love,” says Jerry of the couple.

A fun day at the fertility clinic when the doctor tells the clueless German couple that their childless state is a result of their never having had sex.

Quote of the week: “I’m still boning 18-year-old chicks because I was in Guns N’ Roses. It happens every day to me, so I’ll fucking take it as far as I can.” — sad commentary by Matt Sorum, drummer for Guns N’ Roses.


Posted by Raymond Tomlin at 7:24 PM | Permalink | Unbelievable Truth

May 28, 2004

Jessica Cutler = Washingtonienne: The Story Continues

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Welcome to a special Friday night edition of The Unbelievable Truth, your weekly (but this week appearing twice) guide to the down and dirty, stuff that has almost no impact on our lives but stuff we seem to care about anyway. Salacious, gossipy, full of sex and bordering on the libelous — once again, The Unbelievable Truth offers you and I a respite from the trials and tribulations of our far too busy, yet all-too-prosaic, lives.

Jessica Cutler: Washington, D.C. Enthralled With Nymph Behaviour

JESSICA-CUTLER-NUDE
Washingtonienne = Jessica Cutler

You wanted her, you’ve got her. More information about Jessica Cutler than you’ll find anywhere else on the ’Net

Last week, we introduced you to the Tart of the Potomac. This week we’ll fill you in on everything that the delectable Ms. Cutler has been up to since the story of her horizontal mambo-dancing with the high and mighty in the U.S. national capitol was first brought to prominence in Ana Marie Cox’s Wonkette blog last Friday (as for VanRamblings, we’re just waiting for the story to break on just what Ms. Cutler was up to with George W. during the period that she was a college student ... hey, it might even help poor ol’ Bushie in the polls ... not that we want to do anything like that, you understand).

Well, first off, the name-calling by Republican apparatchiks has ramped up in earnest. Michelle Malkin, in an article titled The skanks on Capitol Hill, goes on the attack, as she makes passing reference to “Cutler’s indecent conduct, glib rationalizations and in-your-face shamelessness,” placing the “vulgar little episode” into the context of a Girls Gone Wild culture run rampant in the U.S.

WASHINGTONIENNE-THONG

Next, Ms. Malkin turns on Ana Marie Cox for bringing Ms. Cutler’s trysts with older men to light, and the “narcissism, moral bankruptcy and self-congratulatory media-political incest’ engendered in their symbiotic — and profitable — relationship. Finally, Ms. Malkin brings out the heavy artillery, as she takes the Washington Post to task for publishing this story about “two vain, young, trash-mouthed skanks who couldn’t care less about what their parents think of their sex-drenched infamy.” Michelle, tell us how you really feel.

Then there are these updates: Jessica is a 26, not 24, as she’s been telling everyone. And, Richard Leiby — the Reliable Source at The Washington — in a published version of an online interview confirms that Jessica Cutler did not attend Syracuse University, as was stated on her résumé. You mean, Jessica is being less than truthful. We’re shocked!

The improbably-named I Love Jenna Bush blog has published details about Jessie’s trysts, naming names and stoking the fires even more.

For those who haven’t seen it, Nerve Magazine has an interview (about half way down the page) with Jessie, the naughty, naughty girl.

Sad to say, it seem like Jessie’s father, Robert Cutler, was the last to know about his daughter’s little Washingtonienne imbroglio.

Meanwhile, tonight, the National Debate website has confirmed earlier rumours that Playboy wants Jessie for a nude shoot. Apparently, there’s a six-figure sum on offer (that’s a million or more to you or me). No word on the purported Manhattan book deal, and Jessie’s relocation to Gotham City.


Posted by Raymond Tomlin at 8:16 PM | Permalink | Unbelievable Truth

May 22, 2004

Washingtonienne = Jessica Cutler

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WASHINGTONIENNE
Washingtonienne = Jessica Cutler

On Friday, Ohio Republican Senator Mike DeWine fired Jessica Cutler, the female ‘entry level’ staffer who had authored a Weblog that has been the talk of Capitol Hill, because it chronicled her racy, sexual exploits with a married political appointees and other men, often for money.

Ms. Cutler, who used the pseudonym Washingtonienne claimed in her blog that she was paid for having sex with the chief of staff at a federal agency. “Most of my living expenses are thankfully subsidized by a few generous older gentlemen,” Cutler wrote. “I’m sure I am not the only one who makes money on the side this way: How can anybody live on $25K/year?”

Following her dismissal, Ana Marie Cox, website editor of the Washington-based blog, Wonkette, interviewed Cutler, who says ...

“I’m not ashamed of anything I wrote in the blog. And people are sad if they’re interested in such a low level sex scandal ... The blog is really about a bunch of nobodies fucking each other. I still can’t believe people care ... But everything that I say happened, absolutely happened …”

The last you’ll read about this story (yikes !!!) on VanRamblings: The Washington Post’s Reliable Source writes The Hill’s Sex Diarist Reveals All.

Ms. Cutler comes to Washington to what? Change the world? Make it a better place in which to live? Ah, the cynicism of youth. Ya gotta love it.

There’s a VanRamblings’ update of the Jessica Cutler story available here.


Posted by Raymond Tomlin at 11:23 PM | Permalink | Unbelievable Truth

May 15, 2004

Returning after a two

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Returning after a two week break, it’s The Unbelievable Truth, your weekly guide to the down and dirty, gossip à la contraire, where we offer a needed respite from news about Bush, Rumsfeld, Iraq, and British Columbia’s very own right-wing prick, Premier Gordon Campbell.

GOOGLE

Google Looks for WMD’s

Someone at Google apparently has a sense of humour. VanRamblings ran across this at Talk Left ...

1) Go to www.Google.com
2) Type in (but don’t hit enter): “weapons of mass destruction”
3) Hit the “I’m feeling lucky” button instead of the normal “Google search” button.
4) Read what appears to be a normal ERROR message. Read it ALL.


Read More...
Posted by Raymond Tomlin at 11:30 PM | Permalink | Unbelievable Truth | Comments (1)

May 1, 2004

Yes, kiddies, it’s that

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Yes, kiddies, it’s that wonderful time of the week once again.

After 7 glorious days of righting the wrongs of the world, slagging Gordon Campbell and George Bush (and don’t they deserve it), and just generally attempting to create a universe in which all of us can live in peace and harmony, once again it is time for your favourite Saturday night feature — The Unbelievable Truth.

Time for a bit of the down and dirty, stuff you could really care less about, but care desperately about anyway (and isn’t that the way of the world), news — salacious news, even — that offers you and I a respite from the trials and tribulations of our far too busy, yet all-too-prosaic, lives.

Then again ...

JACKO
Michael Jackson:
too weird for words

WACKO JACKO FACES 74 YEARS !!!

And where else did you think we were going to start this week? Slumped in a chair with his head bowed, Michael Jackson yesterday learned he would now be facing 10 charges in his child sex abuse case. All totalled, he could be handed 74 years of prison time if convicted of every offence.

A new charge of conspiracy was laid, relating to an alleged abduction — prosecutors claim Jacskon attempted to convince the youngster to flee to Brazil when it became clear he would name the star — false imprisonment and extortion of 12-year-old accuser Gavin Arviso, who accused Jackson of molesting him and engaging in lurid acts.


Read More...
Posted by Raymond Tomlin at 11:21 PM | Permalink | Unbelievable Truth

April 24, 2004

HOWARD STERN VS. OPRAH

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OPRAH

HOWARD STERN VS. OPRAH

All the while that the Federal Communications Commission is crying foul about disc jockey Howard Stern’s behaviour on American radio, notorious afternoon talk show time waster Oprah Winfrey has been dirtying the broadcast airways with sex talk that would curl your hair.

On a recent show, an Oprah magazine writer described in jawdropping, lewd detail, the latest fads in teen sex. Viewers learned that a “tossed salad,” had little to do with healthy eating, but instead referred to oral sex to the anus. The guest went on to describe “rainbow” parties — gatherings at which a gaggle of lipstick-wearing young girls provide oral sex to one or more males.

Robert Hilliard, co-author of Dirty Discourse: Sex and Indecency in American Radio, feels that shows like Oprah’s pass muster because they inform, not titillate. Shyeaah, right ...

DENZEL

FIRE BURNS HOT !!!

The buzz on Denzel Washington’s new flick, Man on Fire, is hotter than a June bride on her wedding night. Action-packed with a great big dollop of heart right at its centre, Denzel’s work on screen is nothing less than superb, as combustible as we’ve ever seen him. And, don’t let 10-year-old co-star Dakota Fanning’s tender years fool you — she’s a professional through and through, matching Denzel’s work scene-for-scene in Tony Scott’s flammably intense production.


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Posted by Raymond Tomlin at 10:55 PM | Permalink | Unbelievable Truth

April 17, 2004

Beckham asks Sarah: pose

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BECKHAM-CONFESSES

SARAHMARBECKNAKED
Beckham asks Sarah: pose nude
(click on pic for scandalous details)

Yes, for all you ardant VanRamblings readers, there's no hiding from the truth for beleaguered footballer David Beckham.

According to this week's News of the World, Becks confessed a series of passionate affairs to his devastated pop-star wife, a grim Victoria Beckham (née Posh Spice). The £1million pink diamond ring and earrings that Becks gave Posh for her birthday today hardly makes up for the news of the nights of passion in luxury hotels and the streams of explicit text messages he's been sharing with 29-year-old Malaysian-born model Sarah Marbeck, and his other cuddlebunny, Rebecca Loos. Ms. Loos is planning to tell the story of their torrid affair this Monday in a second BBC interview, following her Thursday interview on Sky One.


Read More...
Posted by Raymond Tomlin at 10:39 PM | Permalink | Unbelievable Truth

April 10, 2004

A Dishy New Saturday Night Feature on VanRamblings
(And We’re So, So Sorry ... But Then Again, What The Heck)

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After a week of righting the wrongs of the world, slagging Dubya (and doesn’t he deserve it), and carrying on about all sorts of the flotsam and jetsam of everyday life on planet Earth, late Saturday evening will be set aside for some good ol’ fashioned scurrilous gossip, stuff that you could really care less about (but care desperately about, anyway ... and ain’t that the way of the world). Look for the column each and every Saturday night.

Here to quench your thirst for the down and dirty (okay, admit it, you too glance at the National Enquirer and News of the World, and their ilk, each time you find yourself at the check-out stand at your local grocer’s ... fess up now), each Saturday evening VanRamblings will perform a public service beyond compare (and, hey, if the new feature brings a few new visitors to the site, that’s a good thing, too, don’t you think). Then again, maybe not.

Who’s schtupping whom, which celebrity / politician / capitalist war-mongering oinker is in trouble this week? Well, VanRamblings is the place where you’ll find the answers to all of these pressing questions, and oh, so much more. And, as we say, you’ll see it here each Saturday night.

The Entertainment Tonight / News of the World / National Enquirer of the blogging world, each Saturday evening join the party, step up to the table, and take a taste of VanRamblings’ fine Canadian cheese. M-m-m-m, good.


Posted by Raymond Tomlin at 10:22 PM | Permalink | Unbelievable Truth

   



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